With the summer holidays now well underway, families will be prepping to jet out of the UK for their annual trip. Experts predicted 2.2 million British holidaymakers were heading overseas in late-July, with high travel volumes likely to continue throughout August.

Despite an upcoming holiday being something to look forward to, time away from home can elicit feelings of anxiety for some. It's due to a family dynamic that over 4 million people are experiencing in the UK.

A recent report found that 'carents' (people caring for their own children and ageing parents simultaneously) haven't had a holiday in almost two years – one in 10 haven't had one in more than five years – due to the responsibility.

But taking a break is essential, according to Anjula Mutanda, TV psychologist working with stairlift and home lift brand Stannah, who warns of the caregiver phenomenon that might dampen the holiday spirit before it’s even begun.

What is 'fret lag'?

"If you don't clear your mind of tasks before you go away, then you're at risk of experiencing 'fret lag’”, the psychologist warns, "where you spend the first part of your holiday worrying about a parent being at home rather than enjoying where you are. In psychology, this 'guilt gap' is in the first 24–48-hour window.

"Whilst you'll likely relax after this period, it's during this time when you deserve to be the most excited and share that feeling with the loved ones you're with. If you're physically there but your thoughts are with a parent at home, this can impact quality time with your partner and children. Balance is key."

96% of ‘carents’ reported that they are 'always on alert' even when not physically present with the person they care for. Anjula warns that the lack of respite combined with constant attentiveness can have implications.

She says: "Caring long-term for a loved one means juggling all areas of life – work, friends, your own family and hobbies among others.
After a while, you can be at risk of mental and physical burnout.

"Disrupted sleep, muscle tension and pain, digestive problems and weakened immunity are just a few of the surprising physical effects if you don't allow yourself time to breathe – not to mention the mental impact like ongoing brain fog, irritability and low mood."

Why carents struggle to switch off
Anjula explains that there are two key reasons why caregivers can be reluctant to go on holiday, despite the temptation of sand, sea and sangria.

She says: "There are practical responsibilities that a caregiver might have been carrying out for so long, they're anxious about handing them over or pausing them entirely to go on holiday. Doing it themselves means peace of mind that it's complete. It's typical in Type A people who are hyper-organised and strive for perfection.
"They may also be reluctant to delegate to other people as it can be a confronting realisation that the situation is worsening, which many people attempt to avoid.

"On the emotional side, there can also a sense of guilt. Caregivers who have seen an ageing parents' mobility decline to where they struggle to get up the stairs, for example, may feel distressed that they can travel with ease and their parents are no longer able to.
"For the sandwich generation, they might even feel like they're denying their parent time with their grandchildren, or vice versa."

Pre-flight checks to carry the mental load

For caregivers, Anjula's acronym SUMMER covers the essential care to have in place for a parent before departure.

"A physical checklist can do wonders in helping to take the weight off", the psychologist says, "as decision fatigue during care commitments is common, using this list means no extra thinking is required."

S - Supplies stocked

“Making sure supplies are stocked like food and toiletries, reassures you and them that they won’t go without essentials whilst you’re away. Diet and hygiene are accounted for.”

U - Utilities checked

“Utilities such as bills being sorted before you go away can take away financial anxiety from both sides - 35% of older people (4.2 million) worry about paying household energy bills.”

M - Medications sorted

“Age-related memory decline can make keeping on top of scheduling tricky and physical ailments like Parkinson’s, where tremors are present, can make opening packaging a difficult task.” So, organising their medication would be a huge help.

M - Mobile numbers saved

“Saving family members’ phone numbers for your parent can reassure them that they will have other people to talk to whilst you’re away, although you may want to catch up with them during down time. Having contact numbers for other loved ones reminds them that they can reach out if needed.”

E - Evening routine sorted

“Routine can do wonders for us as we get older and many caregivers will be more than familiar as to how a parent likes to wind down for the evening. Getting fresh nightwear ready, checking that bedroom windows can open and close with ease, and that a phone charger is within arm's reach of the bed can form the basis, but you will know better than anyone what your parent needs.”

R - Regular check-ins

“You don’t necessarily have to ask other family members or friends outright to check-in on a parent, if you don’t feel comfortable doing it, but mentioning it in conversation will likely lead to them suggesting it themselves. Remember – it's not burdening someone with a task whilst you’re away.

“Loved ones will be happy to check they’re OK in your absence. Have a list of people whom your parents can contact if they need any immediate assistance.”

As well as the importance of getting a parent's needs in order before you travel, Anjula stresses that, arguably, the person this is most important-is you.

“Taking a break doesn't mean you care any less”, she says, “it means you're looking after yourself so you can keep showing up for the people who need you.

"If you have a moment where the guilt creeps in about taking a break, tell yourself this one thing – you deserve it."